


(No) Forever

by ScandalousMinds



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Emotional Hurt, Episode: s03e02 The Sign of Three, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Gen, John and Mary's Wedding, John-centric, M/M, POV Third Person Limited, Pining Sherlock, Rejection, Sherlock Holmes and Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-23
Updated: 2014-08-23
Packaged: 2018-02-14 06:53:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2182137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScandalousMinds/pseuds/ScandalousMinds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the middle of his wedding John realises he's making a terrible mistake.</p>
<p>"John? Do you take Mary Elizabeth Morstan for your lawful wedded wife?"<br/>And just like that John’s eyes are snapping into full focus and he’s eyeing the vicar with all the conviction he has and he’s uttering one little word.</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>Prompt Fill.<br/>Please see notes for more information.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(No) Forever

**Author's Note:**

> For full prompt, go to link below:  
> http://sherlockbbc-fic.livejournal.com/22393.html?thread=132429433#t132429433
> 
> Obviously, I don't own Sherlock I Just Belong to it's fandom!  
> Apologies for any spelling or grammar errors

 

**_‘We are gathered here today, to celebrate the joining together of John Hamish Watson and Mary Elizabeth Morstan in holy matrimony…’_ **

 

John Watson, is a soldier (yes, a soldier. Once a soldier _always_ a soldier).

John Watson, is a doctor.

John Watson, is a man. A man who prides himself on following through with his promises.

Which is why his current predicament is so… _ironic_. Because…presently as in at this _present_ moment John Watson is a man consumed with…doubt.

No, not doubt. Doubt implies John is unsure. Doubt implies John is experiencing a lack of conviction or hesitancy. John Watson is experiencing neither. Actually, he is pretty confident in his understanding of the fact he is making a **colossal** mistake.

Yeah…no he is 100% sure, he should **definitely** not be getting married today or rather… _at this present time, to this present person_.

John has to concede the timing of this revelation really could not be worse.

No. Really.

John has actually never been as secure in the knowledge of anything more in his life.

His timing is atrocious.

 

_**‘…which is an honourable and solemn estate and therefore is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently and soberly.’** _

 

He’s had months to back out. He’s had weeks, days. Hell, one could argue he’s even had hours to stop things before they got to this point. **This** point being him is standing in front of his friends and his family and his Sherlock.

Wait… _his_ Sherlock?

Oh God.

This was hell or purgatory or the bit in-between hell and purgatory.

The vicar was minutes, **minutes** away from asking him if he takes this woman. Takes _Mary_ to be his lawful wedded wife.

**Lawful**. God…what a word.

**Forever**. Also, a pretty definitive word.

And it **would** be forever, John Watson does  not believe in divorce. He’s lived through that. Seen it up close and personal with his parents. And he promised himself, **promised** that that would never be him. So if he were to go through with doing this, this would be it…forever. She—Mary would be his wife for life and he… he just…can’t.

God. What’s he going to say?

No. No. No.

He knows what he’s going to say. But, how is he supposed to say it?

_‘Erm…sorry my bad. I know I was the one who asked you and everything but as it turns out…I regret that course of action_ **immensely**.’

 

**_‘Into this estate these two persons present come now to be joined.’_ **

 

Regret.

 

Yeah, that’s the perfect description of how he feels right now. He regrets asking this amazing woman to marry him. He regrets asking this amazing man to be his best man. He regrets letting both of these amazing people follow through with planning this amazing wedding when…he knew.

**Knew** …this was… _wrong_.

It’s not that he doesn’t love Mary, he does. She saved his life after Sherlock’s fall. John owes Mary, without a doubt.

It’s just…it’s…it’s simply the fact that when John pictures forever he pictures sirens and blog updates and rooftops and chases and laughter.  

Not…date nights and double dates and nights watching X factor and days spent at the Ikea. That wasn’t him not really. John didn’t want to _watch_ Law and Order he wanted to _be_ _a part_ of law and order.

In short when John pictures his forever he pictures…Sherlock.

 

**_‘If anyone can show just cause why they may not be lawfully joined together, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.’_ **

 

The moment John looks over at Mary and then Sherlock he’s flooded with shame and remorse. Mary looks so happy; her smile is so bright it’s slightly blinding, she looks like this day is everything she’s ever wanted. Which is why the contrast in Sherlock is so blatant. Sherlock looks so…miserable. His eyes are so pained there’s a sympathetic ache within John as he looks at him. Sherlock looks like this day is everything he’s ever dreaded and possibly more.

John feels guilt oozing through his body like cement.

He’s willingly made Sherlock feel like this, he knows deep down that one of Sherlock’s deepest fears is John leaving him. John leaving him because he’s found a nice, pretty woman to marry and live a happily ever after life with. And a dark part of John these past few months has revelled in Sherlock’s discomfort. Revelled in the fact he has the power to wound the great Sherlock Holmes. John’s awareness of the fact he can break Sherlock the way Sherlock had broken him when he’d jumped off the roof at Bart’s is a rather heady feeling. John isn’t proud of it, he doesn’t like this part of himself but it is a part of him nonetheless.

And yet, as John recalls having watched Sherlock helping to plan this wedding, this wedding he’s dreaded. Remembering, the way Sherlock’s body had tensed stiffly as he’d accepted John’s request of being best man. John is slowly realising that Sherlock doing all of this, is his way of communicating the purest love John has ever faced.

It’s hurting Sherlock anyone can see it. You don’t have to be Sherlock Holmes consulting detective to figure it out. No amount of facial blanking can erase the distant broken look in Sherlock’s eyes. The look John’s put there. John isn’t even sure if Sherlock’s listening to anything going on, his eyes are fixed on the rainbow coloured windows in front of him and he’s resolutely not looking anywhere else.

There’s no way not to do this. Mary going to hate him. There is a strong possibility everyone will. There’s a chance even Sherlock will to, after all the effort he’s put into this day but it’s a risk John Watson needs to take. This wasn’t his life. His life was 221b and cases and Sherlock and yes there is every chance that Sherlock may not even want John back at the flat or on cases. There’s every chance this wedding was Sherlock’s way of saying goodbye to John and their old life together. But, there’s a look in Sherlock’s eyes, a look that screams for some sort of miracle. Sherlock had done that for John. John owed him one in return.

Do it, Watson.

Just do it. Do it now!

 

**_‘John Hamish Watson, do you take Mary Elizabeth Morstan for your lawful wedded wife,’_ **

 

_No_. Thought John.

**_‘…to live in the holy estate of matrimony?_ **

 

_No_.

**_‘Will you love, honour, comfort, and cherish her from this day forward…’_ **

 

_No_.

**_‘…forsaking all others, keeping only unto her for as long as you both shall live?’_ **

****

_No_.

**_‘John?’_ **

“John!”

“…John?”

*********       ***********       *********

 

Everything’s slowing down.

It feels like one of those pivotal moments in the movies, the one where everything becomes calm and tranquil and clear. That is to say, until...everything explodes and wreckage ensues.

John’s hearing his name but his mind, that seconds ago had been a grey clouded fog is now approaching the beginnings of a blue skies kind of clarity. The first person to say his name is the vicar he sounds troubled. The second person is Mary she sounds expectant. And the third, well the third is Sherlock and he sounds…puzzled?             

 

**_‘John? Do you take Mary Elizabeth Morstan for your lawful wedded wife?’_ **

 

And just like that John’s eyes are snapping into full focus and he’s eyeing the vicar with all the conviction he has and he’s uttering one little word.

“No.”

The vicar is looking like he’s just about due a coronary. “I--I’m sorry?”

“No. I don’t—I can’t…no.”

Gasps are ricocheting about the cathedral’s hall. Echoing repeatedly. The room’s quickly filling with murmured ‘what did he say’ and ‘oh my gods’ but the only two reactions John’s trying to focus on are the two people he loves most standing either side of him. Sherlock and Mary’s faces are fracturing emotions quicker than he can identify them.

“John? John, what are you doing?” The voice coming out of Mary’s is a broken semi-low whisper.

“I can’t. I can’t do it. Christ, Mary I’m so so sorry…but this is _wrong_.”

“Don’t. Please don’t do this here. Please don’t do this **now**.”

“I’m sorry…I—”

“John please, please just say the words. Don’t do this.”

“I can’t. I—can’t promise you forever. I thought—I tried—oh god!”

“You can. Of course you can, you’re just scared. I understand that. I’m scared to, but we can do this. Please, god please John don’t do this to me. I’m b-begging you.” Mary’s voice is breaking and tears beginning to pool in her eyes and John not for the first time is hating his very existence.

“I want to. I want to say the words that would—I love you please, oh god Mary…please don’t think I don’t but—everything—I can’t promise you what I haven’t got.” John’s words are coming out broken and disjointed, they’re not making much sense to him, and he’s not sure how he can expect them to be clear to Mary.

“Love? You love me and you’re…jilting me on our wedding day? At the bloody service, that’s love to you?” Mary’s voice is raising and her tears are steady gushing down her face.

“I know. JESUS MARY! DON’T YOU THINK I KNOW? But if I did this if I followed through, you’d hate me. Hate me more than you do today, because I would have taken something you can’t get back. If I marry you today I can almost guarantee we’ll be divorced before the years out.”

Mary’s face is wrinkling and a cry is breaking free from her chest. “How…how you can know that?”

A tear is slipping from John’s eye in response. “I just…know.”

At this precise moment Sherlock’s moving to sit on the steps leading to the altar or perhaps a better depiction would be folds. Yeah, Sherlock’s folding in on himself and he’s resembling a man receiving a not guilty verdict on a murder charge. John and Mary are still watching Sherlock as he pulls his knees up to his chest and stares at them as if they hold all life’s answers for him.

John’s observing worriedly and Mary’s bloodshot eyes refocusing back on him and narrowing.

“It’s him.” There’s no question in her words, she’s left no room for dismissal. “You’re picking him!”

“That’s not—”

“DON’T LIE TO ME! YOU OWE ME THIS AT LEAST!”

“Mary…”

“ARE YOU CHOOSING…HIM?”

“Mary…please…”

“Are you?”

“Please…”

“ANSWER ME!”

“JESUS! MARY! THERE IS NO CHOICE.” John explodes back.

Mary frees a dark, humourless chuckle. “No. No I suppose not. It was never a choice was it? I only lasted as long as I did because he was dead…right? No, don’t worry I already know the answer.”

“I do love you, Mary.”

Mary’s wiping both hands over her face smearing her make-up. “Right. You just love him more.”

John’s deciding to remain silent, answering in either direction wouldn’t be particularly well advised at present.

He’s watching closely as Mary turns to the congregation. To be honest John had forgotten they were even there. “Well, folks it would seem the wedding’s off. Please feel free to go to the reception, the food and alcohol is on his card anyway, feel free to go to town. So sorry for any inconvenience.”

The cheeriness in her tone is jarring. Soon she’s pivoting back towards John ripping the veil from her head he’s sure she has to have torn some of her hair out as she’s done so. He barely has a chance to swerve the hand planting harshly against his cheek. To be honest, even if he’d of seen it coming he wouldn’t of dodged it. God knows, he’s had it coming.

Mary’s eyes are burning again with tears. “Today was supposed to be my wedding day.”

John has no more words. There’s just nothing he can say.

Mary’s already turning and walking down the aisle, her maid of honour Janine following closely behind her. No one else seems to be moving. The church is painfully silent John’s blinking from where Mary has disappeared and he’s turning to the vicar who looks like he was wishes he’d called in sick for the day. John has nothing. He too pictured this day going very, very differently.

Glancing down, John is looking at the crumpled detective and before he knows it he’s walking towards him. Sherlock obviously sensing the movement is peeking up at John appearing somewhat bashful and John isn’t sure why. Sherlock hasn’t done anything wrong. Not this time.

This was all John.

John’s holding his hand out without even thinking to do so and he’s leaning frontward whispering “let’s go home” before the words out of his mouth are even registering within his brain. Sherlock’s sharp inhalation is making way for a sound that might be a sob or a fragmented ‘John’ it doesn’t matter, not right now. Sherlock is clasping hold of John’s hand incredibly tightly as if he isn’t sure if this is real or not. John’s not so sure either, he’s feeling like he’s locked within a dream-like state but he’s still pulling the younger man up and not letting go either.

John’s starting to count his footsteps as he’s proceeds walking down the aisle, it’s occurring to him there’s a twisted parody at present of the way this disaster of a day began, sickeningly so. Not but two hours ago John had been walking down this very aisle with Sherlock by his side with the congregations eyes on them both. There had been gasps and whispers then too, except then they hadn’t been scandalized and disapproving ones.

Rapidly they’re at the heavy-duty church doors and begin pacing down the short steps. Instantly John sees it, it couldn’t be missed and for once he can actually believe what he’s seeing, it’s a sleek, tinted window black car pulling up and John can’t help rolling his eyes. John has no control over the way his lips are turning up slightly at the corners but it’s not humour, but rather resigned cynicism.

Of course John thinks. _Of course_.

John’s turning his head from the car, looking up to find Sherlock watching him with wide disbelieving eyes as if he’s **still** not sure if all this is a trick. He’s resembling a shellshock victim.

“You…chose…me?” Sherlock’s voice is cracking as he speaks.

John can only stand dumbfounded for a moment gazing at _his_ idiotic genius. Soon, John’s slowly shaking his head incredulously.

“Of course. Of course I did.” Sherlock’s closing his eyes, breathing deeply as if absorbing John’s words.

John continues on. “You’re my…forever.”

Sherlock’s eyes are opening with glistening unshed tears and almost immediately he’s glowing softly at the declaration. “You keep me right, John Watson.”

 

 

The End.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this was okay. I'm not completely sure of this story, the writing style of this is quite different to my usual. Did it work? 
> 
> I tried to characterize a 'normal' Mary without being biased against her (I'm not a fan of HLV's Mary so I went with TSOT Mary instead). Please let me know what you think, I wanted her to be sympathetic even if you're not a fan of hers, did it work? Also I know the prompt was supposed to be super angsty and I did try but I think it ended up taking an unexpected fluffy 'ish' turn. It's super annoying it's like every time I try to write fluff it turns to angst and every time I try to purposely write angst and becomes fluff... urgh why? 
> 
> Anyway I hope it was enjoyable.
> 
> Feedback is so Important to me, so let me know what you think.  
> x


End file.
